this is me on paper or should i say the web...im really not like this in person...the voices in my head tell me that im pretty normal... ***************** UPDATE: no pictures yet but my guestbook is good to go so check it out and sign it...

"silhouette of a perfect flame...shadows of your smile will always remain...beginners love, so it fades away...we go on, as long as i live..."

this morning was a momentus occasion...my dad's old car is now officially retired...he told me last night that he was just tired of it breaking down all the time, and so this morning he purchased a used car...he wanted a toyota camry but chose a '96 honda civic...the weird thing is, i thought that everyone would learn to drive stick in my dad's p.o.s...i mean, my older brother and i learned in it...and my little bro is gonna learn soon...oh well, i guess he's better off learning in our new car...it might become his car when he starts driving, but i doubt it...the civic is kinda too small for him...

well the rest of the afternoon i spent cleaning the whole entire house...yeah it took me that long because im stuck home alone...my mom and dad went to la...my bro went to some conference...my sis is setting up for winter formal at her school...and me im just here at home...its all peaceful and quiet...i really enjoy it like this...i can blast my music or run around the house nekkid if i wanted to...heheh yeah i can do as i please...
posted by ryan edu 2/24/2001

"the little things they always hang around...the little things they try to break me down...the little things they just won't go away...the little things made me who I am today...you wanna hate me know...but I won't stop know, cause I can't stop now...it always seems those little things they take the biggest part of me..."

oh LAAATTTTTTTEEEE!...yes once again i managed to sleep a little longer than im supposed to...the chem lab report i was working on, wasnt even collected...he just wanted us to keep up with our stuff...all the time that i spent up in the wee hours of the morning contributed to nothing...i could have been sleeping like a baby and then this morning actually get up on time...well it was raining really bad today...then it began to hail and then a little later it started clearing...wierd weather...

well the rest of the day i pretty much did nothing except sit in front of the boob tube all day long...yesh thats what i did...eat and eat and eat and watch tv...ahh what a life...yup it feels real good to just get away and not think about school...well night time comes and theres really nothing to do...my friend angelo calls me up and say theres glo-bowling at the base and it real cheap...well i dont have lots of cash so it sounds real good to me...we pay $ 6.50 each and bowl for three hours...what a deal...it was fun too cause i was just whoopin' up on angelo...i have the score sheets to prove it...I AM THE KING OF BOWLING...yeah so im thinking we go again next week but this time bring a whole mess of people with us...so anyone interested?...
posted by ryan edu 2/23/2001

"i'm on a sentimental journey into sight and sound...of no return and no looking back or down...a conscientious objector to the was that's in my mind...well leaving in the lurch and I'm taking back what's mine...i'm on a mission, into destination unknown...an expedition, into desolation road...where i'm a castaway..."

okay class, can everyone say "LATE"...third time is definitely not the charm for me...i dont know what's up this week but this being late every morning is becoming a bad habit...well after class this morning i rush back home to do a bio lab report due in the afternoon...i barely finish report before going back to school...lab today was interesting...we stepped outside of lab and took a hike into the canyon at the back of our school...

after class i drive home tired and hungry...the problem is, that there's an accident on the freeway so it takes me nearly an hour to get home...the reason there's traffic is cause so many damn people have to look to see what happened...i hate all you "rubberneckers" out there...i just want to get home but you would rather look at an accident on the side of the road...i find out later that the accident was an 18-wheeler that went through the center divide...well you dont see that one everyday...still you dont have to slow down to take a look...

anyways i finally get home and eat and then take a nap...im then awaken by my mom 30 min later...it seems that my dad's car broke down somewhere...man that P.O.S...he needs to go buy a new car...anyways i go over there to help him fix it...mission accomplished...now im up late again trying to finish a chem lab due tomorrow morning...procrastination is just biting at my ass right now...OUCH!...
posted by ryan edu 2/22/2001

"oh sugar when you're close to me...you love me right down to my knees...and whenever you let me hit it...sweet like the honey when it comes to me...skin is caramel with those cocoa eyes...even got a big sister by the name of chocolate thai..."

i woke up late again this morning and i barely made it to class...the thing is, if you're late to my chem professor's lecture she'll lock you out...and what a waste of time it would be if you were to drive all the way to school only to be locked out of class...it's a scenario i don't want to be caught up in...

well tonight i have physics lab...the grammys are tonight...i have to record it or someone out there has to record it for me...im looking forward to the live performances...artists impress me when the sound that they produce live, is the same or better than their cd...i want them to prove that their sound isn't just studio produced...

ahh physics was such a drag...i was sOOO uneasy in my seat and i couldnt keep still...i was dying for break so i could get up and get some blood flowing back to my ass...it seemed my professor just rambled on and on...the good thing about tonight was that he knew we didnt want to stay until 1030, so what he ended up doing was performing the lab for us...i thought that was pretty cool of him...hah i hope he does this more often...
posted by ryan edu 2/21/2001

"now it's morning but last night's on my mind...there's something i need to get off my chest...and no matter what may come to shine...the dream will always be mine...all mixed up you don't know what to do...next thing you turn around and find the person is you...thought a freak might be the thing...but the first could be the last so just get off of your ass..."

i totally forgot that i had a bio test this morning...i was caught off guard...i woke up late so i wasnt able to study...then when i got to class, everyone was already taking the damned thing...man and i didnt even have a scantron...i had to buy one off the professor...i can't and i won't be in this situation ever again...now im on my knees looking up to the skies and hoping to pass the test...

after class, i get home with lots of homework to do...which i avoid by busying myself with other things...like reading the paper and cooking some muffins...eventually i do get to my physics homework...the weird thing is im actually getting the hang of it...im not struggling as i used to...i hope this doesnt end *crossing fingers*...well i decided to take a nap but was interrupted 20 minutes later by my dad...he tells me we have to go back to the house in mira mesa and do more work...now im lying in bed pissed...i wanted to nap but didnt get anytime and now i have to work...its times like these when i just suppress all my anger in the deepest, darkest recesses of my body...im a walking pressure cooker ready to burst...i just hope no ones around when i explode...i fear the worst by going "postal" on someone or something...yeah i know this is an unhealthy way to deal with anger...but bitchin' and moaning isnt gonna do anybody any good...
posted by ryan edu 2/20/2001

"hey sugar momma, come and dance with me...the smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me...so whatever tickles your fancy...girl its me and you like sid and nancy...so sexy, almost evil...talkin about butterflies in my head...i used to think that happy endings, were only in the books i read..."

it's already monday and my homework isnt even finished yet...ive barely touched it...im gonna pay for it this week...ill end up trying to catch up...damn the procrastination!...i want to stay on top of things this semester but im always slackin here and there...oh well...well with the amount of work my professors have given me, its like i dont have a break at all...jeez i know they all conspire against us...give them all this crap to do on their four day weekend *muwahhah*...yup it doesnt look like its going to get finished...well its time for my daily nap *zZzZzz*...

whoa my nap turned into a two hour sleep, but it was needed...anyways for dinner my family went to this place called outback steakhouse...it was so-so compared to some other steakhouses ive been to...if it wasnt for the appetizers that we got in the beginning then i would have finished my meal...i got my usual when i go to a steak house...baby back ribs...*slobber*...these were prepared very well...the meat was soft and succulent...you can never go wrong with ribs...their fish was good but their steaks werent anything special...its late and i needs my sleep...goodnight...
posted by ryan edu 2/19/2001

"hi ho, hi ho...its off to work we go...*whistle, whistle*...hi ho, hi ho, hi ho..."

my day consisted of work work work...after church me, rick, and my dad went to one of our houses in mira mesa...i thought we were just going to fix a fence cause i heard it was falling apart...it was going to be a big job but we talked to the neighbors to see if we could work something out...chip in to pay someone to fix the replace the whole thing...so we ended up doing some landscaping instead...plant some plants...get rid of weeds and thorn bushes...chop down some trees...and guess who had the honor of chopping them all down...

i was paul bunyan for a day...except without the axe and the big blue ox...i had a mini chain saw that was really dull...it took forever to cut off a limb...i probably would have gotten the job done faster if i used my teeth...oh well...whenever i see a chainsaw i always think of that bathroom scene in "scarface"...if you've seen the movie you know what im talking about...and if you don't know, maybe you should rent it...anyways in the beginning it was fun yelling "TIMBER" and dodging falling limbs...but after awhile you get tired and sometimes you cant dodge them all, and then it becomes work...yeah we worked till sundown and then headed back home dirty and exhausted...

after dinner i get a call from little dan and he tells me to go to randy's house cause the group is there and they're singing...when i heard those words i was re-energized...man i miss singing with the guys...we're not pros or anything, we just get together and mess around...singing is just something we all enjoy doing...after the session ruben busted out his guitar and was playing for us...this man leaks out talent...he can draw, sing, dance, act...you name it he can probably do it...he never ceases to amaze us...and he was just tearin' it up on the acoustic guitar...if i can get half as good as he is in the time he's been playing...what a dream...ruben is already writing and playing his own music...i just hope he doesnt forget all us little people when he gets all big and famous...
posted by ryan edu 2/18/2001